QUESTIONS TO PONDER/ QUOTES OFTHE WEEK
My father always used to say there are three types of questions in the world: ones that are easily answered, ones that can't be answered (also known as rhetorical questions), and ones that noone wants to answer. In today's exercise, we will tackle some questions from the latter two categories. I always get a kick out of pondering these little life mysteries, as I look at the world through my (sometimes) cynical lense. Most of these are strictly tounge-in-cheek, but if anyone can enlighten me with the answers to these conundrums, feel free to post your theories. Who knows? Maybe we can set up a contest for whoever has the best, or most creative answers. Anyway, without further ado, here we go:
- (This is one we always get a kick out of asking at work): How is it at all possible for someone to mistake a roll-over accident for a broken down vehicle? - Anyone with the answer this one, please forward it to the Massachusetts State Police, because they would love to know the answer as well.
- What did Jehovah's Witnesses witness that everyone else didn't?
- Why do middle age guys that are losing their hair almost always have Pony Tails? (Just shave it all off man!!!)
- (Courtesy of Denis Leary): When will women realize that the reason the lines for the ladies room are so long is because THEY ALL GO TO THE BATHROOM TOGETHER???
- Where does Mel Kiper Jr. go, and what does he do in the eleven other months out of the year when there is no NFL Draft?
- Also, where do Donald Fehr (head of the MLB Players Union), Randy Levine (MLB Player's Union Attorney), Gene Upshaw (head of the NFL Player's Union), and Bob Goodenow (NHL Player's Union head), go and what do they do when there are no Collective Bargaining Agreements to negotiate?
- Why do most of Michael Jackson's STUPID songs contain the exclamations "hee hee", and "shamon", and what do said exclamations mean?
- While on the subject of music, has David Byrne of the Talking Heads ever written lyrics that make sense? And while we are on the subject, can someone decipher these lyrics for me:
" Psycho killer..ces, cesse fa, fa, fa, fa, fa, fa, fa, fa ,fa..better run, run, run, run, run run away?"
- How could any parents possibly named a child Tanyon Sturtz?
- Many tree's leaves sprout in the same color as when they fall off, so why don't "leaf peekers" rush out to see the foliage in springtime as well as the Fall?
- Exactly at what time did characters such as Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny get mistaken for having something to do with the actual meaning of their respective holidays?
- Why is it that people who try to get through the 8 Items or less line with 15, 20, or more items, will always apologize to the cashier, and not the people behind them that they are holding up?
- Why are most Dunkin Donuts located in places that make them nearly impossible to get in and out of?
- Why do people always look to the ceiling and sigh, when it is announced over the speaker at a subway station that there are delays in service?
- (Similar question): Why do the same people waiting for a subway train, always look to the west for an eastbound train, or to the North for a southbound train, and vice versa?
- Why do people calling in traffic information always begin their statements with: "Yeah, hi..I don't know if you have this yet...?", or "I just wanted to let you know..."?
- (Similar question): How does one "sail smoothly" on a highway?
QUOTES OF THE WEEK
"Medals on a wooden mantle, next to a handsome face
that the president took for granted, writing checks
that others pay."
- Pearl Jam - "World Wide Suicide", from their new,
self titled CD
"Too many OB/GYN's aren't able to practice their love with women across the country."
President Bush - Sept.6th, 2004
"I repeat, personal accounts do not permanently fix the solution."
- President Bush - March 16, 2005
" We look forward to hearing your vision so we can do more better on our job."
President Bush - Sept. 20, 2005
"I think people who want to be a citizen of this country ought to learn English."
( YEAH, INCLUDING OUR "PRESIDENT"!!!!) - President Bush - April 28, 2006
"We are looking at every aspect of this...we are just at the beginning of our investigation."
- US Attorney Michael J. Sullivan, announcing the arrest of four contractors from Bechtel, Parsons on the charge of knowingly providing the Big Dig with defective concrete
My father always used to say there are three types of questions in the world: ones that are easily answered, ones that can't be answered (also known as rhetorical questions), and ones that noone wants to answer. In today's exercise, we will tackle some questions from the latter two categories. I always get a kick out of pondering these little life mysteries, as I look at the world through my (sometimes) cynical lense. Most of these are strictly tounge-in-cheek, but if anyone can enlighten me with the answers to these conundrums, feel free to post your theories. Who knows? Maybe we can set up a contest for whoever has the best, or most creative answers. Anyway, without further ado, here we go:
- (This is one we always get a kick out of asking at work): How is it at all possible for someone to mistake a roll-over accident for a broken down vehicle? - Anyone with the answer this one, please forward it to the Massachusetts State Police, because they would love to know the answer as well.
- What did Jehovah's Witnesses witness that everyone else didn't?
- Why do middle age guys that are losing their hair almost always have Pony Tails? (Just shave it all off man!!!)
- (Courtesy of Denis Leary): When will women realize that the reason the lines for the ladies room are so long is because THEY ALL GO TO THE BATHROOM TOGETHER???
- Where does Mel Kiper Jr. go, and what does he do in the eleven other months out of the year when there is no NFL Draft?
- Also, where do Donald Fehr (head of the MLB Players Union), Randy Levine (MLB Player's Union Attorney), Gene Upshaw (head of the NFL Player's Union), and Bob Goodenow (NHL Player's Union head), go and what do they do when there are no Collective Bargaining Agreements to negotiate?
- Why do most of Michael Jackson's STUPID songs contain the exclamations "hee hee", and "shamon", and what do said exclamations mean?
- While on the subject of music, has David Byrne of the Talking Heads ever written lyrics that make sense? And while we are on the subject, can someone decipher these lyrics for me:
" Psycho killer..ces, cesse fa, fa, fa, fa, fa, fa, fa, fa ,fa..better run, run, run, run, run run away?"
- How could any parents possibly named a child Tanyon Sturtz?
- Many tree's leaves sprout in the same color as when they fall off, so why don't "leaf peekers" rush out to see the foliage in springtime as well as the Fall?
- Exactly at what time did characters such as Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny get mistaken for having something to do with the actual meaning of their respective holidays?
- Why is it that people who try to get through the 8 Items or less line with 15, 20, or more items, will always apologize to the cashier, and not the people behind them that they are holding up?
- Why are most Dunkin Donuts located in places that make them nearly impossible to get in and out of?
- Why do people always look to the ceiling and sigh, when it is announced over the speaker at a subway station that there are delays in service?
- (Similar question): Why do the same people waiting for a subway train, always look to the west for an eastbound train, or to the North for a southbound train, and vice versa?
- Why do people calling in traffic information always begin their statements with: "Yeah, hi..I don't know if you have this yet...?", or "I just wanted to let you know..."?
- (Similar question): How does one "sail smoothly" on a highway?
QUOTES OF THE WEEK
"Medals on a wooden mantle, next to a handsome face
that the president took for granted, writing checks
that others pay."
- Pearl Jam - "World Wide Suicide", from their new,
self titled CD
"Too many OB/GYN's aren't able to practice their love with women across the country."
President Bush - Sept.6th, 2004
"I repeat, personal accounts do not permanently fix the solution."
- President Bush - March 16, 2005
" We look forward to hearing your vision so we can do more better on our job."
President Bush - Sept. 20, 2005
"I think people who want to be a citizen of this country ought to learn English."
( YEAH, INCLUDING OUR "PRESIDENT"!!!!) - President Bush - April 28, 2006
"We are looking at every aspect of this...we are just at the beginning of our investigation."
- US Attorney Michael J. Sullivan, announcing the arrest of four contractors from Bechtel, Parsons on the charge of knowingly providing the Big Dig with defective concrete
posted by smialek316 at 11:19 AM
1 Comments:
dude... you gotta get to posting on other people's logs out there so that people will see your posting, check out your blog, and psot here. I feel like I'm the only one posting here.
Mel Kiper gets locked in a box like the gimp in Pulp Fiction for 11 months out of the year.
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