A DISCLOSURE, AND SOME ISSUES THAT NEED TO BE DISCUSSED
( In the interest of disclosure, let me begin today by stating publicly that I WAS WRONG about Manny Ramirez. He DID appear at Spring training ontime, and APPEARS to be content to stay in Boston, atleast for the time being. As much as it pains me , I will give credit where it is due and state for the record that Manny Ramirez was a man of his word. How long this tranquility lasts is anyone's guess - and with Ramirez, his attitude changes like New England weather - but for now things appear to be okay, until the next bump in the road.)
That minor issue out of the way, it is on to more important things. It is not often that I use this space to comment on issues in my personal life. My reasons for this are 1: I simply don't believe that my life is really that interesting, and 2. I don't wish to seem like so many other people that post on blogs such as Livejournal, who seem to use these forums for no other purpose but to vent. This is their perogative, but it is just not the type of thing that I wish to engage in. Today I am going to make an exception because there are issues that have arisen between a friend of mine (or someone who used to be a friend) and I, which I need to address. For the purpose of this posting, the said individual with whom I have this sudden disagreement will be known as SK. I believe my good friend Smokin Steve knows of whom I speak. Let me further state that within the last two days I have made repeated attempts to meet with this individual face to face to discuss our differences, but my requests have fallen on deaf ears. What follows is a synposis of the whole situation as I see it.
My friendship with SK goes back about four years, as his group of friends and mine used to meet at the same sports bar every month to watch the WWE Pay-Per-Views. After both groups realized that we had some things in common, we decided to exchange phone numbers, E-Mail addresses, etc. and pretty soon we were all hanging out regularly. Our monthly meetings at the Good Time Emporium in Somerville, Ma. for the Pay-Per-Views became legendary, as Smokin Steve can attest. One of our favorite traditions at these monthly gatherings was to shout out the names of obscure wrestlers, as if we were ring announcers. This always led to many laughs and made our group "the life of the party" so to speak. Honestly, I have had some staff members of the Emporuim tell me how amusing they find our antics, and how it "does not seem the same" during times when we have not been there. True story.
Over the course of the last few years SK and I have had our share of disagreements, but no issues that don't come up in any other friendship. There was not any major problems as far as I was concerned, until now that is. As I look back, if I had to pick out one thing that was troubling from my perspective it was SK's lack of basic common sense. (this has presented itself as a problem within the past week, but I will get to that later). Mind you I in no way, shape, or form profess to be a Renaissance man, or a worldly and all knowing sage, but I like to think I have basic common sense when it comes to certain things. As I have found out (the hard way), basic common sense is SK's major character flaw and a problem that sadly may damage his prospects in future relationships and worse, in any possible career aspirations. Once again, I am sure people can point out flaws in my character, but I was taught things at a young age (as most of us were) that have served me well over the years. As I have found out, SK was not taught these things and has no desire or inclination to learn them.
One such issue that comes to mind is the importance of getting one's drivers license. Now I understand that some people are late bloomers in life (as I was), but at some point (and I think someone that is 29 years of age should be PAST such a threshold) basic common sense SHOULD take over, and one realizes how much of an inconvience it is to have to constantly rely on others, or on public transportation to get places. I understand that some individuals have certain medical limitations that prevent them from getting a license, but SK has no such problems. When I have stated that not having adequate means of transportation may prevent or hinder his stated goal of a career in sales (as he has also been told by potential employers), he has requested that the subject be dropped and we not discuss it. Similarly, when I have offered to take him out (in my car) to teach him some basics of driving, my suggestion was also met with a request to table the discussion. It seems to me that these and other issues took on added importance to this story once SK's girlfriend came into the picture, who I will refer to as C.M.
( The preceeding was designed to serve as a backgound to this whole matter. In the interest of preventing this post from being too long and meandering I will in the the subsequent paragrphs, attempt to point out the exact occurences that led to the dissolution of mine and SK's friendship)
On or about January 13th, SK called me in a somewhat paniced state. Things had apparently deteriorated between him and his girlfriend. According to SK, things had gotten so bad and the issues between them so dire, that he wanted to leave and asked my advice on how to do so (SK detailed to me arguments the two had over money that were occuring with greater frequency every day). I advised him that if the situation was as desperate as he described then his only course of action should have been to leave. He stated that he would take my advice under consideration and that was how we left things. The next day he called me stating that he was leaving and that a "friend of his" , whom he knew from a club they both frequented, had "given him" a check for $1,200 to help SK get back on his feet financially. This story seemed very odd and possibly bordering on the untrue, but who was I to judge? At worst it was probably one of SK's white lies and nothing more. He seemed content so I left it at that.
Later that day a mutual friend of ours (Jimmy) asked if I had spoken to SK lately, and asked how he was doing. Judging by the fact that we seemed to be a tight knit group and did not hide anything from one another, I told Jimmy that it appeared that SK was breaking up with his girlfriend. That was really all that was discussed about the matter, and I figured this whole thing would probably blow over, SK would soon be back with C.M., and in a matter of days this whole thing would be a non-issue. It seemed I was right on the first two counts, but dead wrong on the third. Later on that weekend Jimmy and I met up with SK's sister at Good Times, and asked her if it was indeed true that SK had broken up with his girlfriend. SK's sister stated that she knew nothing about any possible friction between his brother and C.M, and further stated that they were indeed together. I saw this as further proof that whole thing had indeed blown over, if a problem between SK and his girlfriend even existed in the first place. Then Jimmy recieved a phone call.
On or about Martin Luther King Day, Jimmy called me on my cellphone to inform me that SK had left a message on his answering machine. As Jimmy played this message back for me, it was obvious that SK did not sound happy. To paraphrase, SK stated that "he knows that Jimmy heard a rumor that he and his girlfriend had broken up, but it was untrue." Again, I really thought nothing of this, and viewed it as conformation that everything was o.k, and all problems had been resolved. ( One might surmise by reading this that SK is a Drama King, and that observation is very much correct). As it turns out, I should have investigated this issue further, and for that I take responsiblity. I was getting the feeling that something was up, and to say that my "Bullshit Meter" was ringing would be an understatement.
We shall now fast forward to this past weekend. As of last Firday it had been almost two months since I had last spoken with SK. Jimmy and I again bumped into SK's sister, and inquired about how SK and his girlfriend were doing. This time his sister seemed distant and vauge, and gave curt, one or two word answers to our questions. "They are okay", is all that she would offer. Now the "Bullshit Meter" was blinking red. Once again I take responsiblilty for not calling SK right away and ask that we clear up any and all issues between us.
Early last Saturday evening, Jimmy called me at work and played for me a rambling diatribe of a message that SK left on Jimmy's house phone. In this message SK stated that he "knows the crap that Jimmy and I have been doing and saying behind his back", and "that is the reason that he has not been in contact with us in the last month and a half." Further, SK stated and I quote: "You are no longer welcome in our section of Goodtimes, and if you attempt to sit near us, I will have you thrown out by security." Interesting, I thought. In this soliloquy SK went on to say that he "tried to meet with us face to face at the last month's Pay-Per-View", but Jimmy and I "turned to leave" as we saw SK approaching. I also found this point to be interesting. Later that evening SK left another rambling message on my phone saying mostly the same thing as on Jimmy's message, but stating that he considered us to be no longer friends. Two times (once on Saturday, and again on Sunday) I tried to contact SK in a further attempt to clear things up, and to give my side of the story, but to no avail. I also sent him an E-Mail which has not been answered.
Some may view this as a shame, but I view it as a lesson learned, and an affirmation of the notion to focus on the important things in life. Over the past year my mother has been diagnosed with Cancer, and from this I have I have learned to worry about things I can control, and to surround myself with my TRUE FRIENDS, the ones who have been there with me over the years, through thick and thin ( I'm talking about you Smokin Steve). It is not that I don't value all of the friendships I have made, but I have many more important things going on in my life (and in the life of my loved ones), then to concern myself with a petty fight, involving someone's need for attention.
Further, I have neither the time, patience, nor inclination to get invloved in a 7th grade game of " he said, she said." Perhaps one day I will be able to meet SK and get his perspective on where things went wrong, but I am not going to go out of my way to try and find him. He knows where to find me, and the ball is in his court now. As I conclude this post I wash my hands of this issue, and will never again type another word about it in this space. The most valuable of life's lessons are often learned the hard way. As a History teacher of mine once said "We never stop learning in life..by not learning, one is not growing." Words to live by indeed.
( In the interest of disclosure, let me begin today by stating publicly that I WAS WRONG about Manny Ramirez. He DID appear at Spring training ontime, and APPEARS to be content to stay in Boston, atleast for the time being. As much as it pains me , I will give credit where it is due and state for the record that Manny Ramirez was a man of his word. How long this tranquility lasts is anyone's guess - and with Ramirez, his attitude changes like New England weather - but for now things appear to be okay, until the next bump in the road.)
That minor issue out of the way, it is on to more important things. It is not often that I use this space to comment on issues in my personal life. My reasons for this are 1: I simply don't believe that my life is really that interesting, and 2. I don't wish to seem like so many other people that post on blogs such as Livejournal, who seem to use these forums for no other purpose but to vent. This is their perogative, but it is just not the type of thing that I wish to engage in. Today I am going to make an exception because there are issues that have arisen between a friend of mine (or someone who used to be a friend) and I, which I need to address. For the purpose of this posting, the said individual with whom I have this sudden disagreement will be known as SK. I believe my good friend Smokin Steve knows of whom I speak. Let me further state that within the last two days I have made repeated attempts to meet with this individual face to face to discuss our differences, but my requests have fallen on deaf ears. What follows is a synposis of the whole situation as I see it.
My friendship with SK goes back about four years, as his group of friends and mine used to meet at the same sports bar every month to watch the WWE Pay-Per-Views. After both groups realized that we had some things in common, we decided to exchange phone numbers, E-Mail addresses, etc. and pretty soon we were all hanging out regularly. Our monthly meetings at the Good Time Emporium in Somerville, Ma. for the Pay-Per-Views became legendary, as Smokin Steve can attest. One of our favorite traditions at these monthly gatherings was to shout out the names of obscure wrestlers, as if we were ring announcers. This always led to many laughs and made our group "the life of the party" so to speak. Honestly, I have had some staff members of the Emporuim tell me how amusing they find our antics, and how it "does not seem the same" during times when we have not been there. True story.
Over the course of the last few years SK and I have had our share of disagreements, but no issues that don't come up in any other friendship. There was not any major problems as far as I was concerned, until now that is. As I look back, if I had to pick out one thing that was troubling from my perspective it was SK's lack of basic common sense. (this has presented itself as a problem within the past week, but I will get to that later). Mind you I in no way, shape, or form profess to be a Renaissance man, or a worldly and all knowing sage, but I like to think I have basic common sense when it comes to certain things. As I have found out (the hard way), basic common sense is SK's major character flaw and a problem that sadly may damage his prospects in future relationships and worse, in any possible career aspirations. Once again, I am sure people can point out flaws in my character, but I was taught things at a young age (as most of us were) that have served me well over the years. As I have found out, SK was not taught these things and has no desire or inclination to learn them.
One such issue that comes to mind is the importance of getting one's drivers license. Now I understand that some people are late bloomers in life (as I was), but at some point (and I think someone that is 29 years of age should be PAST such a threshold) basic common sense SHOULD take over, and one realizes how much of an inconvience it is to have to constantly rely on others, or on public transportation to get places. I understand that some individuals have certain medical limitations that prevent them from getting a license, but SK has no such problems. When I have stated that not having adequate means of transportation may prevent or hinder his stated goal of a career in sales (as he has also been told by potential employers), he has requested that the subject be dropped and we not discuss it. Similarly, when I have offered to take him out (in my car) to teach him some basics of driving, my suggestion was also met with a request to table the discussion. It seems to me that these and other issues took on added importance to this story once SK's girlfriend came into the picture, who I will refer to as C.M.
( The preceeding was designed to serve as a backgound to this whole matter. In the interest of preventing this post from being too long and meandering I will in the the subsequent paragrphs, attempt to point out the exact occurences that led to the dissolution of mine and SK's friendship)
On or about January 13th, SK called me in a somewhat paniced state. Things had apparently deteriorated between him and his girlfriend. According to SK, things had gotten so bad and the issues between them so dire, that he wanted to leave and asked my advice on how to do so (SK detailed to me arguments the two had over money that were occuring with greater frequency every day). I advised him that if the situation was as desperate as he described then his only course of action should have been to leave. He stated that he would take my advice under consideration and that was how we left things. The next day he called me stating that he was leaving and that a "friend of his" , whom he knew from a club they both frequented, had "given him" a check for $1,200 to help SK get back on his feet financially. This story seemed very odd and possibly bordering on the untrue, but who was I to judge? At worst it was probably one of SK's white lies and nothing more. He seemed content so I left it at that.
Later that day a mutual friend of ours (Jimmy) asked if I had spoken to SK lately, and asked how he was doing. Judging by the fact that we seemed to be a tight knit group and did not hide anything from one another, I told Jimmy that it appeared that SK was breaking up with his girlfriend. That was really all that was discussed about the matter, and I figured this whole thing would probably blow over, SK would soon be back with C.M., and in a matter of days this whole thing would be a non-issue. It seemed I was right on the first two counts, but dead wrong on the third. Later on that weekend Jimmy and I met up with SK's sister at Good Times, and asked her if it was indeed true that SK had broken up with his girlfriend. SK's sister stated that she knew nothing about any possible friction between his brother and C.M, and further stated that they were indeed together. I saw this as further proof that whole thing had indeed blown over, if a problem between SK and his girlfriend even existed in the first place. Then Jimmy recieved a phone call.
On or about Martin Luther King Day, Jimmy called me on my cellphone to inform me that SK had left a message on his answering machine. As Jimmy played this message back for me, it was obvious that SK did not sound happy. To paraphrase, SK stated that "he knows that Jimmy heard a rumor that he and his girlfriend had broken up, but it was untrue." Again, I really thought nothing of this, and viewed it as conformation that everything was o.k, and all problems had been resolved. ( One might surmise by reading this that SK is a Drama King, and that observation is very much correct). As it turns out, I should have investigated this issue further, and for that I take responsiblity. I was getting the feeling that something was up, and to say that my "Bullshit Meter" was ringing would be an understatement.
We shall now fast forward to this past weekend. As of last Firday it had been almost two months since I had last spoken with SK. Jimmy and I again bumped into SK's sister, and inquired about how SK and his girlfriend were doing. This time his sister seemed distant and vauge, and gave curt, one or two word answers to our questions. "They are okay", is all that she would offer. Now the "Bullshit Meter" was blinking red. Once again I take responsiblilty for not calling SK right away and ask that we clear up any and all issues between us.
Early last Saturday evening, Jimmy called me at work and played for me a rambling diatribe of a message that SK left on Jimmy's house phone. In this message SK stated that he "knows the crap that Jimmy and I have been doing and saying behind his back", and "that is the reason that he has not been in contact with us in the last month and a half." Further, SK stated and I quote: "You are no longer welcome in our section of Goodtimes, and if you attempt to sit near us, I will have you thrown out by security." Interesting, I thought. In this soliloquy SK went on to say that he "tried to meet with us face to face at the last month's Pay-Per-View", but Jimmy and I "turned to leave" as we saw SK approaching. I also found this point to be interesting. Later that evening SK left another rambling message on my phone saying mostly the same thing as on Jimmy's message, but stating that he considered us to be no longer friends. Two times (once on Saturday, and again on Sunday) I tried to contact SK in a further attempt to clear things up, and to give my side of the story, but to no avail. I also sent him an E-Mail which has not been answered.
Some may view this as a shame, but I view it as a lesson learned, and an affirmation of the notion to focus on the important things in life. Over the past year my mother has been diagnosed with Cancer, and from this I have I have learned to worry about things I can control, and to surround myself with my TRUE FRIENDS, the ones who have been there with me over the years, through thick and thin ( I'm talking about you Smokin Steve). It is not that I don't value all of the friendships I have made, but I have many more important things going on in my life (and in the life of my loved ones), then to concern myself with a petty fight, involving someone's need for attention.
Further, I have neither the time, patience, nor inclination to get invloved in a 7th grade game of " he said, she said." Perhaps one day I will be able to meet SK and get his perspective on where things went wrong, but I am not going to go out of my way to try and find him. He knows where to find me, and the ball is in his court now. As I conclude this post I wash my hands of this issue, and will never again type another word about it in this space. The most valuable of life's lessons are often learned the hard way. As a History teacher of mine once said "We never stop learning in life..by not learning, one is not growing." Words to live by indeed.
posted by smialek316 at 3:04 PM
1 Comments:
All I will say is this...
SK's biggest mistake in all of this is jumping to a conclusion without talking to you or Jimmy directly about it. He let it stew for two months first, then responded through a phone message. This is something he needed to come to both of you directly about and talk it out face to face, and he hasn't done it yet.
That's what I would tell him to do. Come to you face to face and hash it out. Don't sulk for two months and leave messages. It only fuels the problem.
I hope the problem hasn't become too big.
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